Feeler

Eyes wide open.
My gaze was fixed upon the bane of my existence.
I stared and stared, not blinking for even a millisecond.
The clock struck an hour.
I felt my face with my hands; Everything was where it should’ve been - the eyes, the nose, the gaping wound of a mouth.
It was still.
I could feel the sweat oozing out of my pores. Fear had taken over… worthless, uncertain and silent.
Overwhelmed, I tried closing my eyes, and… I couldn’t.
“Obey me!” I shouted in my head. Oh how I wanted to close my eyes, to give in to that blissful darkness. Feel that unimaginable comfort. For once and for all.
The stillness was lifeless, as the silence screamed a million lies.
Piercing, penetrating screams that shivered my soul.
“Shut up!” I said, covering my ears with my hands, hoping to shut them out.
I could still hear the unthinkable.
What misery! Couldn’t close my eyes, couldn’t stop hearing everything that I shouldn’t be hearing. I was spellbound. This cannot be… No, this SHOULD NOT be!
“Shut up! Fuckin’ shut up!”
And it moved.
Everything stopped. The spell was broken.

“What time is it?” It asked. And I felt my tongue wiggle inside my mouth as my lips moved. I must’ve uttered something that it understood.
“There are things you fail to understand, my love” words echoed in my head in a voice I knew for so long. It was speaking to me. “Not everything is spoken in a language and not everything is heard through the ear. Sometimes, there are other mediums.”
There was light, there were flames as the voice faded into the emptiness of my mind.
It stood up and swirled out of my sight and into my chest.

A lot can be heard when you open your heart. I was never going to.

Sleep Paralysis

Disaster strikes when the moment is right. And it was the moment.
Eyes wide shut we dreamt of blue, black and purple.
Dementia opened the doors to another dimension. We must’ve fallen asleep.
It was dark.

The music echoed in the room. Captivating, sensuous and high.
With every beat, we progressed. Sank deeper and deeper down into each other. Drifting along the divine rhythm towards an uncharted territory.
Sweet smell of living lies filled every vacuum. And maybe for a split second, the voices in my head called it a night.
We were ready to fly. Ready to leave this behind.

In and out of the groove, the music didn’t stop.
“Come and sing me.” It said, as I plucked your strings and sang my song.
Dear, dear was the sound. As dear as your being. You being here.
It was dark, and I had lost myself. Broken patterns began to form. Shades of infidelity smeared all over us. We were there, bound to the beat… slaves to the groove.
No one to save us. Nothing to hold on to.

“Wake up. Wake up now before you disappear again.” Said someone inside of me.
And I had to. It was the moment.

Higher Powers

“Why don’t we take a trip down the green ‘n’ white?” said Peshi-peshi.
I could come up with a thousand lies just to put up with his madness… but woe is me.
“There’s a whole new tone to this voice, my boy”, and I couldn’t agree more. After all, nights are colder than the days and the touch… oh yes, the touch.
“It’s cold out here tonight, I’d better make a fire.” And make a fire he did.
What a clown, I thought; his head was in his genitals. But then again, he wasn’t the only one.
Embers flickered across his wasted face. He looked dark and unclear. Undone.
“Look.” He pointed upwards. “That’s the constellation of Orion, the hunter. See those three stars in a row? That’s his belt.” He paused for a few milliseconds. “Are you a hunter Mr. Kazmi?”
“Maybe” said I.
“Hunters are sad creatures Mr. Kazmi, they waste their energies in pursuit of a kill. A kill to satisfy their hunger… for glory, for thrill, for lust. They set the traps, the baits; anything to entice their prey.” His face was frozen, his words were dry.
“I speak too much” said Peshi-peshi. “The green ‘n’ white could do this to you. There are higher powers Mr. Kazmi. Whether you accept or reject it.”
Right he was; right he was. What a clown.
“It wouldn’t be long before the hunter becomes the hunted” he said, “There are higher powers.”
“Khair, fuck it. You know that old wine, I keep telling you about? Now she’s a hunt id want to pursue. Oh what a lass. I could drink her up all day and still would want more at night.”
His head was in his genitals.
“It’s a funny place this green ‘n’ white I tell ya…”
The flames scorched my face. As I fondled one thought after another. Woe is me.
Sinful energies poured from his eyes. He wiped them with his little hands and smiled at me.

And then she appeared.
Peshi-peshi said she was born of flames. I thought she was the flame.
She scorched my face and I…
Woe is me.
Not a word was said, not a place was spared; not a thing was moved. Clouded mind could bear no thought of its own. Sweet gifts of memories it received. A phantom of bliss hung over my head as the shadows I chased stirred all around. I was the prey.

Peshi-peshi closed his eyes. His hands following his mind.
I flicked my orange hand and lit my white piece. Smoke is the best enemy, she said. I guess she knew more than that wise fool Peshi-peshi. I sucked in her burning wisdom and waited for a resolve.

The night was cold and the touch… oh yes the touch!
As the wind blew, the trees shrugged and the moon sang me a lullaby.
Pleasant dreams, it said.